Oh, Mcjournal, how I have neglected thee. That's either a sign that I'm a poohead or that I've been too busy to bother writing about stuff in here.

I'll go with the second. Because nobody likes a poohead.

I've been doing some profound thinking lately and starting to wonder where I fit in. Like, I feel as though I'm slipping from the radar of where I thought I belonged.

I wonder if Smithy felt the same way when Carl and I first became friends: sort of threatened or ousted. Im feeling that way now, and I feel bad about it but I can't help it.

Now he's back with Alex too, and those two are sort of two of my besties, so I'm feeling a bit 'farewell, Luke' about the whole thing. It's awkward being around the two of them by myself.

I was also kinda irritated about the amount of times I get told about people setting Shell up with someone and how I wasnt even considered. That's kind of mean. Not that I actually do dig on Shell that way (dont get me wrong, she's a champ, but its just not my champ). ANd there's someone else I do like, but I dont feel that I can tell Carl.

There's something else that's been bugging me, in a total Overreactionary Way but I can't go into details in case that person ever reads this. Suffice to say, I always thought that our friendship was founded around a certain aspect and then I find out that they don't seem to appreciate it as much as I do.

And here's where hypocrisy sets in: John's 20th is coming up and he sent everyone individual emails or SMSs...except me. Carl got ours delivered to his email: "To Carl and Luke". That kind of upsets me too, coz its almost like I am solely defined through Carl. And I totally shouldn't be.

Aaah me. I'm a fickle being. I don't know if this is why I want to try out for Big Brother next year. Jokes aside about how erratic and moody and entertaining my temper tantrums would be, I think it would be good for me as a person to forge my own individuality. But maybe its just a bad idea. And they probably wouldnt want me.

Shmeh